Project HeatherED

Live your happiest, healthiest, and emotionally wealthiest life

Tag: family

The Twenty-First TWIG Post (or why I’m persisting with writing, despite depression making it difficult)

It’s felt like a hard slog to get grateful this past fortnight.

fullsizeoutput_5ebDepression has many negative side-effects, one of the most frustrating being an inability to fully focus. Admittedly, I can be a little scatter-brained from time-to-time. It’s likely just part of my personality. However when my brain’s not in great shape, my concentration is one of the first things to go.

My decision-making capacity disappears. Though limited at the best of times, tasks take me twice as long to complete when I’m depressed. I can sort of sense this is the case, though it’s not always obvious to me. C commented yesterday that it’s taking me twice as long to get out of the shower of a morning lately. We get up and out of the house mega-early, plus it’s the school holidays (less traffic), so it’s not a big problem, but it’s definitely noticeable, which has me on high-alert

In fact, this is my second attempt at writing my twenty-first TWIG post. The first is sitting in my drafts, half-edited. Though there was – is – good stuff in there, I felt so frustrated writing it – like I was trying to force the words out. I write to communicate – not only with the world, but myself. Thus it being such a slog – feeling so damn challengingwas very telling as to my present mental state.

Contrastingly, writing this today has felt fairly easy. It’s not my most poetic of posts, but it’s back to feeling natural once more. Though overdue, I’m here now to share the small (and not so small) things in my life for which I feel truly thankful.

This Week I’m Grateful for:

  • Tap water. As the water board are currently tampering with our supplies, I’m reminded of just how amazing it is to live in a country where we’ve got hot and cold water literally on tap. Given how many people worldwide struggle to find clean water, it’s pretty damn fortunate.
  • Being able to help the people we love. Our fabulous nieces moved to their new house five minutes around the corner this week. C took an afternoon off work to help his sister, S, unpack, and the weekend prior we doubled-up on grocery shopping to fill their fridge, too. Whilst it’s an exciting move for all of us, understandably the Family B are nervous in the face of such major change. Personally, I’m just thankful that we’re able to be here for our family when they need us. It feels lovely to be in a position to help make someone’s life that little bit better.

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  • C being incredibly thoughtful and buying the Family B fresh, crisp bedding for their new home. Whilst one of our nieces told him she actually prefers her existing Harry Potter bedding (!), the littlest was over-the-moon at her Peppa Pig duvet. I tell him often, but I really mean it when I say I’m proud of his kindness and generosity of heart. He’s so sensitive to other people’s needs, it blows me away sometimes.

 

  • Constructive help and advice on my ideas from the generous, inspiring people I’m connecting with on the Fizzle forum. They’ve boosted my confidence no end, not only in my writing, but in my pursuit of creating something meaningful to help others with mental health issues live their best lives. It would be easy to get disheartened and give up, but this group help me keep putting one foot in front of another. What’s more, I’m being approached for advice and feedback from others, which makes me feel like I actually know what I’m talking about here – at least, some of the time!
  • Finding my voice to write a blog post I’m truly proud to share. After struggling to write a weekly TWIG post last week, my “Ten Things” article literally came to me overnight. It sounds cheesy, but it just kind of flowed out of me. Sometimes words come to me so easily, writing is a real joy! After consistently blogging for seven months now, I feel like I’m finding my voice as a writer and that’s genuinely exciting!
  • Taking yet another day of leave. Having more holidays than C (sorry C) and no plans for a major holiday (other than a September break in Seahouses), I’m using my leave to make a shorter Summer. I love having a three-day weekend, and having the time to sit here and write whilst watching “Made in Chelsea” is blissful.
  • C having bought me freshly-squeezed orange juice from our local grocers. There’s this amazing machine which squeezes the oranges in front of you. It’s worth the expense just to watch the machine at work! I’m not a fan of juice (empty calories), but this stuff is delicious – like sunshine in a glass!
  • Morning and evening sleepy cuddles with C. As the weather turns cooler and Autumn approaches, I’m really thankful to be able to cuddle C without feeling claustrophobic and sweaty. I sometimes forget how important the little things, like cuddles, can be. When I remember, this feels like a lovely new discovery again.
  • Starting to feel better. As you’ll have picked up from my previous post, I’ve been dealing with depression which isn’t entirely unexpected – my mental illness is predictable, coming over me in wave – yet it’s always shockingly painful.

Curiously, I’ve noticed that the initial recovery process is often more uncomfortable than being in the illness itself. It’s disconcerting, living inside a mind where – all too often – I can’t trust my own thoughts.

Thankfully, the darkness is beginning to lift. In depression I lack energy, feel lethargic, and have a general sense of heaviness hanging over me.

I’m making steps towards becoming better, the most productive being what I’d call my Go Slow” Strategy.  I’ve learnt that, rather than trying to fight this feeling, I recover more quickly if I allow myself to slow right down and accept that I have to go at my own pace. I’m nowhere near as productive as I usually am, but that’s okay. Perhaps it’s my subconscious mind’s way of telling me to give myself a break before I break.

  • Being self-aware and recognising that right now, I need to prioritise self-care. Just typing this makes me roll my eyes – it sounds like “therapy-speak”.  The phrase “self-care” makes me think of bubble baths and scented candles, yet I know on a deeper level it’s so important. It’s crucial to maintaining my mental fitness. So I’m quietly proud of myself for noticing what I need.
  • fullsizeoutput_5eaSmall acts of kindness. For example, C making me a cup of tea without my having to ask, or him taking charge of making lunch or dinner, makes such a huge difference to how I feel.  These everyday gestures are what contribute to a positive state of mind.
  • New underwear. Nothing fancy; it just feels good to wear something comfortable under my clothes.
  • Feeling weirdly “free”. Despite gaining weight, I’ve noticed that I’m becoming less concerned with how I look, and more interested in how I feel. It’s not foolproof – I’m still uncomfortable in my skin much of the time – but it’s a definite improvement and one which I won’t shout about for fear of frightening it off!
  • My friend E coming to see me in my new house. She lives in another city, so has not only taken the day off, but taken the train and a bus to get here. I’m especially grateful for her making this big effort because I know depression makes me a flaky friend. I feel lucky to have people who know and love me well enough to tolerate my not always being in the best of mental health.
  • Being a Kitty Mama. Particularly on 8 August, which is International Cat Day, I’m especially grateful to have two fabulous feline friends. Whenever I’ve felt down, the cats in my life have played a hugely important part in lifting me up. This week K jumped from the first floor and gave me a scare, but thankfully she seems to be fine and well.
  • Being able to walk to work, three times out of four this week. Walking to work in the morning is one of the easiest ways lift my energy before I start my day. It takes about 45 minutes door-to-door, which is just enough time to get my heart pumping, and listen to a podcast episode. I’m much more positive during the day when I’ve made the effort to exercise first-thing.
  • My family being (literally) closer than ever. I now have my sisters, nephew, sister-in-law(ish), and nieces, all within an hour’s drive of me. It’s exciting to think I can be a part of their lives growing up. C and I are also rediscovering who our siblings are as people, and that feels rather strangely lovely.
  • Gorgeous roses in the gardens I pass as I walk to and from work. Watching “Gardener’s World” with C of a Friday evening (yes, we’re that cool), I’m surprised that there’s such massive variation in these beautiful blooms. One of my favourite places to visit in Sheffield – the Botanical Gardens – has an amazing rose garden. As you’ll have seen, I love to take photos to use on my blog.
  • Having fun with my whiteboard. I intended to use it at work, but found that there’s not enough space on my desk. Instead, I’m using this to share my gratitudes and write silly messages for C to find.

Phew! It’s a long list, but it feels like I’m making up for my previous week’s absence.

Until next week!

H

x

The Twentieth TWIG Post (or making a mental health confessional this week)

So, I have a confession to make before I get into my gratitudes.

My mental health isn’t in the best shape at the moment.

IMG_3431I’ve been able to tell for few weeks now that I’ve been sinking a little. Some signs I’ve picked up on include:

  • No motivation to get into the gym. Something pretty standard for most people, but not for me. I’ve described it as my “happy place” on many an occasion since I found it helpful for my mental health. It’s therefore ironic that the first thing to go the moment I’m a little low is my drive to work out.
  • Disproportionate tiredness. Not only do I feel super sleepy, nearly falling asleep on the bus on my way home, but my body feels physically heavy. It’s a cliche but it I’m getting the whole “walking through treacle” thing as I drag myself leaden-like about my daily life.
  • Irrational irritability. C might argue that I’m always a bit annoyed (or is that annoying?!), but I’m especially ready for a fight just now. Even if only in my head.
  • More frequent negative thoughts. I can tell in conversations I’m a bit more moody; more likely to bitch and moan over otherwise insignificant issues.
  • Getting especially teary when watching movies. Okay, so I’m a cryer when it comes to watching telly and am likely to burst into tears at the sight of a small animal or human in crises. However I’ve noticed I’ve a particular propensity to water-works of late, which given my medication suppresses my emotions in that regard, says there’s something up.
  • Inability to focus. I’m not great at paying attention at the best of times, but I’m especially scatter-brained just now. My least refined communication skill – listening  – is proving to be an extra effort.
  • A generally “noisier” brain. Prior to taking mental health meds, there was a permanent undertone of chatter murmuring away in the background of my brain. Since then, it’s been much more library-like. Yet recently I’ve heard a few rebel voices in there, piping up without my permission.

Honestly, it sucks. I hate feeling this way.

Frustratingly, my mental health isn’t entirely within my control. Sometimes depression rears its ugly head. If I’m particularly unlucky, it brings anxiety along with it and they work together to make me miserable.

What’s more, mental illness affects not only me but those around me. Even when I mostly keep to myself, the people closest to me usually sense there’s something wrong. Their sadness at my suffering only makes things worse, adding guilt to the emotional mix.

IMG_3447Yet I am genuinely grateful to be able to share this with you. I don’t want to bring you down, but I do want to be unapologetically honest here. Besides, I can’t be bothered to cover things up. It’s taking what little energy I have left not to beat myself up for my broken brain.

As you can probably tell, the tone of this post feels different to others I’ve written. I’ve worked hard to train myself to pursue a positive perspective on life. For the most part, this strategy has been successful. Yet becoming better is not a linear process. As I’ve said repeatedly, I’m a perfectly imperfect human being. I don’t have all the answers to becoming mentally fit and healthy, but I am working on it and I can promise to share the results of my experimentations here with you.

So, yeah. I’m having a sh*tty few weeks. And I’m still here, with a long list of reasons to be thankful.

This Week I’m Grateful for:

Another whole day to myself. Being fortunate enough to have more annual leave than my partner, C, I’ve spaced random days off throughout the Summer. After I heard about this idea of operating from different styles of thinking, I read a little more on the Fizzle blog about what it means to be in “CEO” versus “worker bee” mode. This meant I could declare a “CEO Monday”; devoting my day to the kind of “big picture” thinking most of us normally skirt over in the course of everyday life.

A timely reminder about a helpful way of Getting Things Done (GTD). Intrigued by the CEO-worker bee dichotomy, I took an online productivity course. I know: “work about work” – the basic premise of productivity –  doesn’t exactly sound thrilling.

Yet it’s something I’m surprisingly grateful that I spent a few hours of my hard-earned leave doing. I’d recently given up on GTD; a productivity management system proposed by David Allen in the early 2000s. It started to feel more work than the work I was meant to be doing itself. Learning from this course, the creators made it far less complex, more flexible, and easier to implement. It inspired me to tweak it for myself. Just because something didn’t work for me in one way, doesn’t mean it can’t work for me in another.

IMG_3425Treating myself to ice cream. A small – but not insignificant -development, one of the “quirks” of my eating disorder has been not allowing myself to eat particular foods when alone. In spite of being in recovery for many years now, I’m still sometimes plagued by food fears. In this case, I’m afraid of opening Pandora’s box and binging my way back to obesity.

Recognising this irrational thought-process, I keep working on becoming better. Turns out this includes buying myself ice cream even though there was no one else around to join in with me. It’s kind of like the whole “If a tree falls in a forest…” thing; if I eat ice cream by myself, does it mean I’m destined for an unhealthy future?

So when I left my local cafe last Monday on a scorcher of a day, I bought a scoop of Bakewell tart-flavoured ice cream (in a waffle cone, of course – none of that soggy wafer nonsense). I sat on a bench outside, listening to my podcast, and enjoyed every short-lived lick. De-licious! Admittedly, I do still feel a wave of guilt wash over me around this food stuff. I’m not sure if that feeling will ever go away entirely. However being able to do these things  – even just sometimes – feels like a win.

Good questions. They lead to good answers, after all. Over the past week I asked women within various Facebook groups a few questions about working whilst managing their mental health. Within moments, I was inundated with replies and within twenty-four hours I had over fifty replies. I’ve been wondering how I can use my experiences and interests to actually make a difference, and this boosted my confidence in my idea no end!

On a similar theme, I’m chuffed that my questions have appeared twice in recent newsletters, giving me a little confidence boost. It’s proof that I’m asking interesting questions that provoke conversation with other entrepreneurs,  too, which feels good. I’m finding my place in this community and it’s lovely to feel like I belong.

C being a total hero – so much so, I think he deserves his own TWIGlet list:

  • Awesome partner that he is, C took charge in the kitchen when my mental energies weren’t up to it. Having taken it upon himself to do the weekly supermarket shop, C came home with several exciting dishes planned, including this new concoction: Fish goujon tacos. Neither of us have had fish tacos before, but being fans of the ol’ classic fish finger sandwich it made sense to give the Mexican version a go. He’d even gone so far as to lovingly prepare his own salsa for us! They were yummy.
  • C has been a bit of a hero when it comes to meal planning of late. He made us dinner more than once so that I’d be able to get other things done. For example, responding to all the Facebook messages I received. Knowing how much these connections mean to me, he quietly played chef without comment, where he’d otherwise have been tempted to chastise me for spending too much time on the Internet.
  • Last Wednesday C drove out of his way to give me a lift home after work. I’d mentioned that I was feeling off that afternoon, and the next thing I know, there he was. It was a hot day, and it turned out that C just wanted to be kind to me! C even affectionately called me “wifey” as I got into the passenger seat, complimenting me on my sundress. He’s got a real talent for giving me an emotional lift.
  • C being willing to sacrifice TV time to make me happy. As we get closer to the “Love Island” final, he’s been so good about watching it real-time that I’d almost assume he liked watching the show himself…  Sitting through two hours of ITV2 catch-up sounds really trite, however it means so much to have a partner who is so kind and considerate of my needs – however bonkers –  when I’m feeling low.

IMG_3445Attending my first Fizzle Office Hours. Beforehand I wasn’t entirely sure how this would differ from the usual group coaching. It was more of a quick-fire session, by the end of which I’d made four pages of notes and learnings, so it was an hour well-spent.

An awesome annual appraisal. It was worth investing time and energy to writing-up all I’d achieved over the past year at work. A productive conversation with my line manager helped me better understand myself. It confirmed I lack confidence in being perceived as an “expert”, even after seven years in my job.  Emotionally, I don’t connect with the confidence this experience ought to provide.

Though technically negative, this self-knowledge is actually a positive revelation. Coming away from my meeting, I felt hopeful and optimistic. I’ve ideas for strategies to start to challenging this self-depreciating self-image, and good people around to support me in becoming better.

Rain – and lots of it. We’ve had buckets of the stuff after what’s felt like a desert these past few months. Opening our patio doors and being able to smell the deliciously fresh atmosphere has been a real joy for C and I. I love the sound of thunder and lightning; stormy weather somehow brings a sense of cosy comfort.

Making new friends when you’re thirty-something. After sharing with you the story of my sudden gym-phobia… and the conversation I had with my colleague that convinced me it was okay to take it easy on myself,  To be frank, social anxiety is a b*tch. I’m grateful this only really kicked in for me in adulthood. It’s made making – and keeping – friends hard work, which sometimes really gets me.

Still nervous, I met my colleague, M, for coffee and a catch-up as planned. Rather than a quick half-hour meeting, it was over an hour later before we headed back to our respective offices. We still had tons to talk about, and I’m so thankful she was brave enough to invite me out. Next time it’s my turn.

Making my first-ever home-made nachos. Memories of “Bungalows and Bears‘” nachos playing on my mind, I decided to experiment with cutting up and baking our leftover corn tortillas. With cheese, salsa, guac, and jalapeños, it made for a deliciously crispy,chewy light Friday-night meal.

Being there for my nephew’s first birthday party. Okay, so he’s too young to understand the significance of the occasion. He was mainly grumpy; overwhelmed by us overly affectionate adults. Honestly, it’s highly unlikely he’ll have any memories of the event at all. Still, I’m grateful I could be there – for him and for my sister – after having difficult family relationships in the sort-of recent past. It means a lot – to them and to me.

Speaking of which, I’m thankful for birthday cake. In fact, any cake, really. As anyone who follows the blog will know by now, home-made cake is my most favourite food of all-time. Luckily I had the common sense (read: shame) to pass on the gorgeous-looking garden centre blueberry cake prior to baby G’s party. My brother-in-law had baked deliciously moist chocolate cupcakes, each covered in a generous swirl of buttercream frosting. I ate two.

IMG_3441Relaxing in a clean and tidy home. Pulling together as a team, C and I worked hard to get our house in shape  this Sunday. It’s mentally soothing to live in a clean, calm environment. The external organisation does something to my brain, creating a sense of calm.

Finally, I’m grateful to have spent my Sunday afternoon on the sofa with C to watch a movie. Admittedly, “Dunkirk” wasn’t my choice of film, but I got sucked into the story, sobbing my way through to the end. Finding it especially hard to focus of late, it felt good to be able to concentrate because it’s lovely to connect with C over a bowl of popcorn and a healthy cry.

Until next week.

x

The Nineteenth TWIG Post (or why it having good friends and happy cats matters more than a flat stomach)

After much debate I’ve decided to go on hiatus from the gym. This has come as a bit of a shock – especially to me! For over four years now I’ve been regularly attending classes, reliably turning up, rain or shine (or snow) at least three times a week. But over these last few months I’ve skipped several sessions, too tired to be bothered.

fullsizeoutput_596I’ve lost my workout mojo.

With nothing specifically sparking this change of heart, my immediate worry went straight to my mind. As anyone who’s ever experienced depression will appreciate, that’s one place I never wish to return to, if I can help it. Still, I don’t think I’ve felt particularly down about anything of late. On the contrary, I’m more enthusiastic about life than ever: I’ve several exciting projects on the go, we’re about to conclude our house sale, and we’re enjoying our first long, sunny Summer in the new garden.

So why this sudden turnaround?

Why does the thought of a workout leave me feeling… well, meh?

Okay, so I have to point out the elephant in the room here: me. C would be really cross if he heard me be so self-flagellating, and I don’t actually mean it, but I’m acutely aware of having gained a few pounds. I can’t deny it when I look in the mirror, even if it’s only really noticeable to those closest to me.

Gaining weight obviously doesn’t make me feel great about myself – but neither has it brought me down in the way I’d have expected. My self-worth being tied so closely to my body image for pretty much my whole life, this apathy feels weird. I don’t care as much as I think I should and I have to admit – it’s unnerved me.

Overwhelmed by this gym guilt, I reached out to my colleague, M, to enquire whether she’d be attending class this week. Since my house is en-route to hers, she’s kindly been giving me a lift home and we’ve become friendly. Moaning about my lack of motivation, I learnt my fitness pal is actually recovering from an injury. After telling my tragic tale I felt myself blush, embarrassed to be making a massive fuss over nothing. After all, I wasn’t the one who was hurt, was I?

Well, actually yes; I was hurting. The difference being that my mind was the specific cause of my pain.

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Emotional pain can be as acute as anything we feel physically.

Both reside within our bodies.

Whilst our capacity to feel physical pain is limited (admittedly, it can get pretty physically painful), our minds have no depth of darkness to which they cannot sink. 

Empathising with my mental health worries, M suggested I consider taking time out from workouts. A break might help me figure out my feelings about fitness; build a better relationship between body and mind. Whilst we agreed a regular routine benefits an anxious mind like mine, it’s sometimes healthy to step back and reassess things.

There’s no rule that says I have to do, or be, anything – let alone “make up” for my lack of interest in exercise just now. At least, none other than those self-imposed rules we use to hold ourselves up to impossible standards of perfection.

M suggested getting rid of guilt by thinking about how I’d prefer to spend my time. What matters most to me? A flat stomach or having fun with favourite fluffs? Given the brevity of their time on this planet, wouldn’t I rather spend more of it playing with my feline friends?

When I look at it this way, I’d much rather cuddle my cats than spend an evening sweating in a stuffy studio. Decision made, I cancelled my class, breathed a sigh of relief, and planned to head home.

Before I logged out for the day, M suggested we catch up over coffee and immediately booked a time in our calendars. As it’s me who usually has to make plans with friends, it felt good for someone to invite me out for a chance. I’d been feeling so bad, this small kindness actually brought tears to my eyes – despite my medication making crying a challenge!

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I’m touched and tremendously thankful that someone has seen my vulnerability, recognised my pain, and still wants to befriend me. 

Even talking about making new friends feels a bit uncomfortable. In our modern Western society it seems we’re conditioned to feel embarrassed about our having needs. Yet it’s in our nature to need human connection.

What’s more, as adults we meet fewer new people in general so making friends becomes even harder. Hence whilst I’m sure social anxiety will creep in when it comes time for that coffee, I’m thankful for the chance to  get to know my new friend.

This Week I’m Grateful For:

*The velvety texture of C’s hair when it’s just been cut. Running my hand the wrong way up the back of his head, it feels soft and spiky against my skin. For the next week it’ll look that bit too short, but it’ll feel fantastic. C has what he himself describes as Chinese hair: straight, dark and ridiculously dense. Unlike the majority of his peers, C’s got a full head of hair. – something for which we’re both grateful!

*Still another new dress from the Fat Face sale. It was meant to be two dresses, but it looks like perhaps my credit card has been saved by the other selling out. Oh, and a cardigan. You never know when I might need one.

*A mid-week Paperchase binge. Aware I’m nervous about the impending office move, my colleague K asked if I fancied a trip to town to treat ourselves to some new stationery.

She returned with lunch boxes for her little girl, whereas I came back with a whole new organisational system (in co-ordinated pastel shades, of course).

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My former desk buddies have returned home after seven years.

Given this chance to change my work space, I’m re-decorating. Going for more grown-up vibes, I plan to update my vision board.  To help me manage my mental health at work (where it inevitably sometimes gets stressful), I created my board to remind me of all that I have in life which brings me happiness.

I’ll be working on this for the next few weeks, collecting new inspirational quotes and images, and updated photos of all those whom I love. Next weekend it’s my nephew G’s first birthday, so I’ll take new photos with him, my sisters, and maybe even C. Our nieces will soon be moving into their new Sheffield home (it’s even got a treehouse!), so I’ll be able to add their pictures to the pile.

I have to admit, it’s kind of exciting, which leads me perfectly onto my next thanksgiving.

*Coming into work of a morning and finding postcards left  on my desk. Turning them over, I found a message from K bestowing positivity, love, and luck for our move. I’m so lucky to work with such kind-hearted people, and it’s times like this when I’m reminded to be thankful for my job.

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I found these on my keyboard. I think I can re-home them on my vision board. 🙂

*Building confidence in my business skills. Taking advice from those further down the road success, I put myself “out there” and offered my help for free. Volunteering to read, review, and feed back on other women’s work has taught me so much about my own strengths.

Creating anything of value takes confidence; something I sometimes admittedly lack. However helping other women make their businesses better actually helps me – and myideas – feel more worthy. It reminds me of the point of pursuing my passions and gives me hope that I’m moving in a positive direction.

*Being brave, I switched on my webcam for my first “Fizzle Friday”. I was anxious about asking my early-stage questions, given that most participants in these weekly coaching sessions are so much further ahead in creating their businesses.

Yet I need not have worried. Not only did Corbett reassure me that I’m on the right path,   but combining his comments with others’ feedback will help me make constructive, positive progress in the coming weeks.

*Freshly-squeezed orange juice. It’s impossible to ignore its delicious scent when walking into our local grocers. I have to admit – it’s incredible! I can’t recall when I last drank anything this good. We’ll definitely be keeping our refillable bottle to go back for more.

*Guido’s chocolate flapjacks. How the topping stays Nutella-like runny – never going hard – I don’t know. Honestly, I’m not sure I want to know! Still, they’re totally treacly and utterly umptious. Served in tiny fairy cake cases, they’re slipped into a paper bag, the flapjacks’ sheer stickiness turns it transparent.

*Magazines as my weekend treat. Ever since I can remember this has been one of my most favourite pleasures. Popping open the plastic, I love to smell their glossy pages packed with promise before anyone else has touched them. Odd, but true, I’m afraid.

*An extra day off this week. Whilst I’d prefer proper holidays with C, his lack of leave means I’m taking some time off work alone. Still, I’m feeling rather smug about having several extra-long weekends over these Summer months.

*C and I have booked our September staycation in Seahouses, Northumberland once again. Wearing waterproofs to wander across the sand to Bamburgh Castle, browsing the shelves at Barter Books, and cosying up in a pub sharing a bag of crisps: These activities may sound rather dull but for us, it’s one of our happy places.

*An unexpected visit from a rather smiley, sticky little boy, and his equally messy mother. My sister and my nephew, baby G, came for lunch today. I’m definitely biased, but I’m 100% convinced that G is the happiest, loveliest child in the Universe.

x

The Seventeenth TWIG Post (or how I’m happily handling feedback*)

Someone I admire reached out to me online this week. Seeing their name flash up on my screen made me jump. Why would they want to talk to me? I had no idea, but feeling both excited and nervous, I clicked on their message, hoping for something good.

IMG_3203Unfortunately, this wasn’t to be.

Much to my embarrassment, they wanted to ask me not to do something. I’m not great at receiving feedback. I automatically take it as criticism, and being what some might call sensitive, I can’t hide my emotions and take things to heart.

Taken aback, I re-read their message.

Something clicked.

I realised in that moment how my actions came across badly. I could feel my face heat up in shame. What they said made sense; I’d misinterpreted advice and applied it inappropriately. I felt terrible. Despite them being lovely and understanding I never meant to cause offence, I felt really sorry and apologised for my behaviour.

Being able to admit to making a mistake without jumping to the conclusion that I am a mistake is a new experience for me. It was somehow easier to accept feedback from someone I don’t personally know, but whose work I respect. Being open-minded and willing to listen, I was able to objectively analyse their comments.

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Mentally separating what I do from who I am empowered me to own up to my errors and make amends without apologising for being me.

Surprisingly, a potentially awkward interaction turned out to be a truly constructive conversation. It’s already had a positive impact. I learnt first-hand that this person has integrity; what they say is reflected in their actions. This creates trust, even in a very short space of time. Moreover, I made a decision to sign up for a service from a company that this person works with because of our brief chat. It gave me confidence that it would deliver on its promises, which thus far seems likely to be the case.

Most importantly this week, I learnt that feedback doesn’t have to be negative. Indeed it can be quite the opposite, which was a real revelation. It’s an opportunity to do something differently; something better aligned with my personal values. I’m genuinely grateful to receive this kind of feedback because it’s helping me to become better in unexpected, yet positive, ways.

 

This week I’m grateful for:

*Having a home that lets us host friends and family. Particularly when I think back to living in C’s tiny terrace, I’m grateful to have the physical space to welcome people into our home. I’d previously avoided inviting visitors, anxious not to be thought of badly for the clutter and chaos that comes from combining C, me, two raggedly black cats, and all of our collective possessions.

Since moving to our new house, one of our greatest joys is having family and friends stay with us.  Not only do we now have the literal capacity to cope with even last-minute lodgers, my mental attitude to having people in my personal space has also opened up.

Becoming better at accepting myself as perfectly imperfect has rubbed off on my feelings about my home. I genuinely adore our house, which gives me confidence to care less if others don’t feel the same way. Of course I want the people I love to love it too – but I no longer need their approval – which has freed me to simply be. And allow others to simply be in my space, too.

*Soon to be living in walking distance of our nieces, whose parents will be renting a house just twenty-five minutes’ walk away. It’ll be a new experience to have family close by for both C and I as adults. There are bound to be tears and tantrums at times – and that’s just C! Still, it’s exciting to think we’ll be a more regular part of the girls’ lives as they grow up. Also, as Aunty Heather comes high on the list of the girls’ top reasons to move to Sheffield, I’m hoping I’ll get an invite to hang out in their new tree house.

*Reading my book’s draft introductory chapter and feeling relieved to find some good stuff I can work with. An aspiring author, it’s rather embarrassing to admit how reluctant I am to re-read my own writing. Without sufficient distance, I cringe upon “hearing” my own voice and can end up over-editing.

Secretly, I started writing my book back in March. It didn’t take long for me to realise I was taking on too much at once. Putting my book project on pause, I chose to focus my energies on first building my blog. My logic being that as both book and blog work in synergy, I can reasonably invest time in one for the benefit of the other. For instance, some of the self-help strategies I experiment with in my life, and write about on my blog, might eventually make their way into my book. It’s all part of my same passion project – sharing how I’m becoming better, in the hopes of helping others do the same. IMG_3186

I felt reassured after hearing my heroine, Geneen Roth, say that her latest book – “This Messy Magnificent Life” – took her over six years to write. Upon reflection, it makes sense that creating something truly beautiful takes time. Having one of my favourite authors talk about the time and effort it takes to complete her writing project, I don’t feel the need to be in such a rush with my own. As someone who enjoys the editing process, having lots of lovely words to work with has to be worthy of giving thanks.

*Receiving emails of thanks from people who’d gone out of their way to tell me that my words matter; that by sharing my stories, I’ve let them know they’re not alone. Positively impacting another person’s life – in whatever small way – is a true privilege for which I’m grateful.

Selfishly, I started this blog for as an outlet for myself. I didn’t have any particular agenda, other than to put my thoughts “out there” rather than keeping them “in here”, running circles in my mind. Rationally I know that my experiences aren’t unique to me – we all face challenges throughout our lives, and many more than we know also have mental health issues. However I hadn’t realised that writing about my vulnerabilities would bring me closer to others. I’m creating new connections all the time, as well as deepening existing relationships with acquaintances who are fast becoming friends.

 

*Geeking out over my Fizzle membership. I’ve already talked a lot about what led to my decision to sign up to this service, but what I’ve not yet shared is how grateful I am  to really embrace the learning process once more. I can’t believe it’s ten years since I last formally studied for my Master of Arts in Politics!

I’ve loved learning all my life, so its unsurprising that I’d thrive as a member of a vibrant community of fellow thinkers and creators. I’m never happier than when I’ve got a project (or ten) on the go – and I can’t think of any more ambitious than developing my own business! Choosing to join this group of indie entrepreneurs made sense, and so far, it feels like an awesome decision. My racing mind is permanently generating ideas, and the Roadmap program provides the structure I need to move forward in a (relatively) linear fashion.

What’s more, I took part in the group’s Fizzle Friday live on-line coaching session for the first time, which far exceeded my expectations. Other “Fizzlers” (the name used to describe Fizzle tribe members) asked such high-quality questions, and I was blown away by Steph Crowder’s intelligent, considered, and constructive coaching. I can’t wait to take part again, and maybe I’ll feel confident enough to ask my own questions on camera.

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*A mid-week Chinese takeaway. On Wednesday it was coming up to eight pm and C was still at work. I knew this having checked out his location on my iPhone (I know; slightly stalker-ish but it doesn’t count when you’ve been together nearly a decade). Something must have gone wrong at work, which meant C was likely feeling stressed and exhausted. Attempting to make the remainder of our evening as pleasant as possible, I asked him to choose a carry-out on his way back. He picked Chinese, over which we chatted about our days.

I’m grateful to be able to change our dinner plans last-minute like this. Less than a year earlier, I don’t think I could have allowed myself to be flexible around food. Take-outs were restricted to weekends only, and as an Upholder, I don’t break rules; my own or anyone else’s. It’s do-able, but this degree of self-control is emotionally exhausting long-term. As such, it’s refreshing and a relief to be able to choose love over fear, and put C’s feelings before my own anxieties.

*An excuse to spend my afternoon in my favourite cafe.

When questioned earlier this week, C insisted he “had plans” on Sunday. After asking as to the nature of said plans, it turned out to involve repairing the toilet. Don’t ask what exactly he was up to – he’s told me a million times and I’m still no wiser. In any case, when faced with the prospect of several hours sans toilet, I decided to make other plans.

Luckily for me, an air-conditioned afternoon drinking tea and eating cheesecake is barely a hardship. I took myself off to set up office in the Vietnamese cafe, a short, sunny walk away. Fast-forward a few productive hours, and I’d written a couple of #MicroBlogPosts on my Facebook page, worked on my Fizzle Roadmap, and watched Simon Sinek’s “Why” TEDtalk.

Feeling just a little guilty about how lovely my afternoon had been – particularly compared with C, who was home, elbows up to the U-bend – I phoned on my walk home to invite him to meet me half-way at the pub for a post-plumbing pint.

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*Standing up against casual misogyny; namely, cringe-inducing comments on my vlog. Whilst I became accustomed to this being a regular feature of the nascent net (anyone else remember ASLing in AOL teen chat back in the nineties?), it’s my first experience of this as an adult. It brought back the uncomfortable feelings I recall from being a teenager; a confusing mix of shame, self-consciousness, and self-hatred at having put myself “out there” to be criticised.

Like most women and girls, my initial reaction to inappropriate male behaviour is of the “fight or flight” variety: ignore, block, and/or run away from the situation (i.e. close the browser). Speaking to other women online, this seems the standard response, protecting  personal boundaries and cutting communications cold.

Yet this somehow didn’t sit right with me. Since coming into my thirties, I’m more aware of how much young women still have to put up with. Working with some amazing twenty-somethings, this simultaneously provoked anger and sadness in me. Becoming an Aunty, I feel a sense of responsibility to do something more, determined to set a positive example.

Nervous, I contacted said person and in a polite, positive, and professional manner, asked them not to behave this way in future. I explained how it came across to me, and how it could potentially offend other women, too. Admittedly, it wasn’t received particularly graciously, but I felt empowered by having taken action. As someone who believes in the inherent goodness of people, I lived my values by giving someone the opportunity to change. I’m grateful to be able to make my own small contribution to standing up for women and girls’ rights to be respected online.

 

Until next time!

H x

The Twelfth TWIG Post (or why self-care is most definitely not selfish)

Unusually hot and humid, the first week of June has been a weird weather week. I’m pretty sure that offices across the country are stuffed with sleep-deprived, grouchy, and uncomfortable staff. I know mine’s been no exception; despite a shorter working week we all agreed it felt incredibly long and arduous.

fullsizeoutput_369For some unbeknownst reason, I’m particularly sensitive to changes in temperature. Hence this week’s left me feeling especially tired, irritable, and dispirited. You seen I’m not physiologically built for extremes of weather. In Winter I get Raynaud’s Syndrome, my hands and feet becoming numb when it’s cold out. In Summer I’m prone to heat rash, putting a damper on many a holiday.

More importantly, my not feeling too great exacerbates my psychological propensity towards burnout. I feel more susceptible to this kind of mental pain in the Summer months after having an anxiety-fuelled breakdown a few years ago. It left me hyper-vigilant for any signs of stress because I really don’t want to sink that low again. Hence my consciousness around the potential need to do something to prevent this kind of emotional breakdown happening in future.

Recognising my vulnerability this week I took immediate action. On an especially miserable morning, I decided I’d look at my remaining holiday allowance for the year and plan in my breaks for the next few months. Unlike C’s employer, mine has a generous holiday allowance which means I can take more paid time off. I used some of my leave to create a series of long weekends throughout the Summer, and made plans to visit my teacher sister (and gorgeous nephew, of course) during her long break.

Pre-planning periods of rest and recuperation made me feel instantly more relaxed. Knowing I’ve booked days off work gives me something positive to look forward to. I’m excited to have time to myself to do the things I love. For example, I can’t wait to take my new MacBook (more on this later) to my favourite cafe to write. Even rolling up my sleeves and getting stuck into the gardening sounds preferable to being stuck in a stuffy office.

Knowing C will have to work whilst I’m taking time off does make me feel somewhat guilty. I want him to have what I have, or at least to be able to share in my good fortune holiday-wise. Thankfully in reading Brene Brown’s book, “Rising Strong”, I’ve a new understanding of what it means to feel guilt and shame. I recognise whilst it’s irrational to feel guilty for something outside of my control, it’s a learned response for which I can show myself compassion.

Prioritising my well-being means not permitting uncomfortable emotions to stop me from acting in my own best interests. For example, though I can’t control C’s holiday allowance I can control what I do with mine. I can be grateful for what I have and can choose to use this gift of time to my advantage. Putting my money where my mouth is, I made a last-minute decision to take an afternoon off work this week. Turns out this was exactly what I needed. Those couple of hours to myself made all the difference to my mood, meaning that by the time C brought family home for dinner I felt re-energised and relaxed. I was better able to enjoy spending an evening with my excitable nieces.

fullsizeoutput_364Taking steps like this towards self-care proves I’m becoming better at recognising when I need to step up and take responsibility for my well being. To be the best version of myself I have to acknowledge and respond to my needs. It’s not always easy to work out exactly what that is and how to give it to myself, but the more I practise, the easier it becomes. Hence I’m thankful for this opportunity to exercise my self-care muscle this week.

Speaking of thanks, I think it’s time I share my gratitude list.

This Week I’m Grateful For

  • Taking self-care seriously by booking an afternoon off work. As I’ve spoken about this in length already, I won’t repeat myself here. Still, it’s important that I acknowledge that prioritising my well-being is a personal achievement of which I can be proud.

 

  • Online supermarket shopping. It’s not always the cheapest way to buy groceries, but it’s an absolute life-saver when it comes to catering for last-minute family visits. This week was a prime example – within less than twenty-four hours I’d stocked up on supplies without once having to step into a shop. When I look back to my student days of struggling to walk home with overstretched bags, I’m especially thankful for the privilege of having my groceries delivered direct to my door.

 

  • Free cake! Always a bonus however it comes about, it’s the second time I’ve received free cake from Ocado because the frosting had been smudged in transit. As neither my nieces nor I mind a squished bun, it didn’t matter that they were a little less elegant than intended. Still, I was happy that the kind delivery man didn’t charge me for these delicious treats !

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  • Being with my nieces. A last-minute visit to view houses meant hosting C’s sister, her husband, and our two fantastically fun nieces for the night. Despite a very early start to catch their train and a whole day walking, I had two delighted little girls bouncing round my garden because they were happy to make it to Aunty Heather’s house. I can’t express strongly enough how much I love being a part of these little lives!

 

  • An excuse to get me cooking! Having relied heavily on Dominoes to cater for previous family visits, this time I felt it necessary to cook a meal from scratch. Surprisingly, rather than feeling stressed and under pressure, it felt really good to create a healthy, homemade dinner. I felt proud that I’d made something delicious for the people I love. Reminded that cooking itself can be enjoyable – when I give myself the time and headspace for it – I’m feeling motivated to do it more often. Instead of seeing cooking as a chore, I’m grateful for this reminder that it’s actually an act of love I can regularly show to myself and others.

 

  • Securing a place in my favourite gym class. It’s been a challenge of late to book classes, but I’ve now made three bookings in a row. Having worked hard to embed fitness into my lifestyle, I’m thankful for this because classes help me keep up my momentum. With my instructor pushing me on, and with the support of the other regulars to my class, I lift heavier and go harder than I would on my own.

 

  • Working out despite my body wobbles (both literal and figurative). As I’ve tried to become less controlling over my food and fitness, I’m eating a bit more and exercising a bit less intensely. This has lead to my gaining a little weight, which isn’t unexpected but is uncomfortable and unnerving. I’m tempted to shy away from the gym, avoiding myself in the mirrors and not wanting others to see I’ve changed. Yet I’m proud of myself for not allowing my wavering self-confidence to stop me from working out. Doing what I know is good for my mind and body is my way of showing myself that I am enough; I am worthy, whatever the size and shape of my body. I’m grateful to have the resilience to overcome my insecurities and not let anything hold me back.

 

  • Fresh cut flowers. It’s a real privilege to be able to cut flowers from my very own garden and bring them indoors. It feels really special to see my beautiful blooms take pride of place on the mantelpiece, and know that they were grown just outside my window.

 

  • Having French doors has felt like a real luxury of late, letting the breeze cool us down and also bring the scents of Summer into our house.

 

  • Getting into flow. Since writing regularly I’ve been lucky to get into a “flow state”, by which I mean being so absorbed in what I’m doing that not only does time fly by but I also forget to eat or drink. Losing myself in something so completely feels fantastic and it’s proof positive that writing is good for me.

 

  • Buying a MacBook! Arriving sometime next week, choosing a new laptop turns out to have been more exciting than I’d have expected. Technological purchases are generally more C’s realm, but I’ve been enthusiastically seeking out perspectives of just about everyone I could think of who might be able to offer helpful advice. With C’s support, I decided to invest more than just money in my MacBook; I’m investing my faith and hope in myself, my writing, and my creative ideas for an exciting future.

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  • Last, but by no means least, we’ve accepted an offer on our house! Aware that house sales can fall through at any point, we’re happy – and relieved! – with the price and hopeful that we’ve found the right buyer for the house. It matters to C that we do right by the house and our neighbours because it’s meant more to him than just a good financial investment. It’s where he grew up, because if we’re honest, most of us only really start becoming adults once we’ve left formal education and have to figure out how to take care of ourselves and those we love. I’m therefore really glad the buyer put in a sensible offer that C feels happy to accept; one that reflects the two to three months of time, effort, and sheer graft we both put into renovations. Not only am I glad we can start to make plans for updating our new house, I’m also happy to know that someone who loves the house and the local area will bring new life to the place. She’s even bringing two feline friends with her, so I just know she’ll fit in!

The Sixth TWIG Post (or how I’m working on feeling happier this week)

After what felt like an emotionally challenging week, I was determined to approach this week with a more positive mindset. I figured this would be an easy feat, given that I had Wednesday booked off work to look forward to, as well as the promise of plenty of sunshine!

However, as in this infamous quote from Scottish poet Robert Burns, it didn’t quite go as I’d hoped.

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

Working from home on Tuesday, I called my Dad to let him know that our new sofas had arrived. He’d kindly gifted us some money towards their purchase, so I wanted to thank him. I was really looking forward him visiting me at the weekend to see my home for the first time, especially now we have a comfortable seat to offer!

However as I put down the phone, angry and upset, I regretted my decision to call. During our conversation, he said some things that hurt me deeply.  Over the next forty-eight hours, I went through a process not unlike that of grief, whereby I experienced a period of numbness and shock, followed by anger, shame and eventually sadness.

Having lived for two days in this negative emotional state, I decided I’d had enough of feeling terrible, and I wanted to get into my Vortex – as Abraham-Hicks would put it.  I understand this as being in total alignment with who we truly are at heart, and therefore feel our happiest, most joyful and positive self.

So I took action to change my state. In seeking support from others – asking and being open to receiving help – I gained a different perspective on my situation. I was able to re-frame my thinking, and in so doing, totally change my own mind. As I’ve learnt many times over since the start of this year, when I change my mindset to one of positivity , the world around me also changes for the better.

“Your mind is a powerful thing, when you feel it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.”

Anonymous

So in the spirit of the school of thinking that is the Law of Attraction, and looking for the good in the world, I hope you enjoy my sixth TWIG post!

This Week I’m Grateful for:

  • Our gorgeous new sofas! They’re the most expensive single purchase I’ve ever made (other than our house), and it feels fabulous to finally invest in something special for our new home. I’d forgotten what a difference having a real sofa makes! Having lived with second-hand sofas which were destroyed by our kittens for the past few years, I didn’t mind moving into the new house and making do with occasional chairs and a sofa bed. However my life has improved 10x since the arrival of upholstery from Heaven!

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    D’s making himself at home on the new sofas, too

  • Working from home: the Holy Grail for an open-plan office worker like myself. Having an occasional day whereby I can get on with tasks according to my own agenda, without the perpetual interruptions of my (mostly) well-meaning colleagues.  Being able to burn scented candles, listen to my radio aloud and, simultaneously, get to the bottom of the washing basket – it feels great!

 

  • A perfect day of my own.This week I treat myself to a day’s leave, whereby I spent the whole time on my own, doing what I love best. Taking myself for a long, lazy lunch in my favourite cafe, I spent hours reading and writing, over hot drinks and delicious food. Full of tea and cake, I walked home, chatting on the phone with my best friend. Arriving home to glorious sunshine and two happy cats, I got to wear shorts and go barefoot in our parkland of a garden for the first time ever. It was an utterly perfect day, during which I felt truly grateful to be me.

 

  • Writing my own book! Reading someone else’s manuscript this past week, I felt inspired. I’ve been secretly wanting to write for years, but couldn’t figure out exactly how to put my ideas into words. This week, something clicked and I’ve written over 11,000 words so far. There’s much work yet to do, and a ton of reading and research ahead of me –  but that’s what’s so exciting! I feel like a real writer!
  • Not-so secret scruffiness. This is the pure joy of being able to wear my shabbiest clothes and slob out (in the relative privacy of my own home and garden). After a long day at work, there’s nothing more satisfying than slipping on a fresh pair of PJs the moment I get in. And I know I’m not the only one who does this; there are many secret scruffs the world over! Gretchen and Elizabeth recently tried to address this habit on the Happier podcast, but for me, this is a guilty pleasure likely to outlast any attempt to dress like a more glamourous grown-up.

 

  • Filling my house with flowers. I bought myself a bunch of sunshine-yellow tulips, and one of unusual-looking star-shaped daffodils (double daffodils, according to Monty Don), to decorate my house this weekend. Dad brought me a rainbow-coloured bouquet from Aldi to add to my collection which, ironically, look set to outlast the more expensive ones we’d recently received from a florist!

 

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Beautiful, bargain blooms!

 

  • Creating calm by tidying my home environment. I really appreciate the feeling of mental and physical relaxation that comes over me when the space around me feels organised and orderly. Taking an hour to put things where they belong, and to run the hoover round, makes me feel virtuous. Having long-since accepted that we’ll never live the Scandi Dream – the minimalist lifestyle is not one to which C and I adhere, I’ve settled on hiding the clutter collected in cupboards. Living in the largest space we’ve ever had, I can luxuriate in its “empty” spaces.

 

  • Finally being ready to sell our old house. After months of hard work during weekends and evenings, C and I have finished renovations on our former home and are in a position to get it on the market. Having been C’s home for twenty years, it’s important to him that we find the right buyers and get the best possible financial and emotional return on his investment. Being the first home we’ve shared together, I’m also attached to the place. It’s where C and I – and our cat at the time – became a family, and where we “raised” our current kitty monsters. I’m sure I’ll feel a little sad, as well as relieved, when we do sell it, but mostly I’m thankful for the home it was for us and look forward to someone else making it their happy home, too.
  • A successful family visit this weekend. After the telephone conversation earlier this week, I wasn’t exactly brimming with enthusiasm at the prospect of him dropping by. Truth be told, I nearly told my sister not to bring him over. However having received some incredibly thoughtful advice, I was able to change my mental approach to his visit and treat my Dad as I would any other older person; with kindness, compassion and patience. As a result, I was much more relaxed, and the visit went really well. My Dad was really positive about my house, and I think taking a different approach to him being in my space enabled me to  soften my heart and welcome the visit. I know his intentions, and mine, come from a place of love, which is really all that anyone can ask.

And on that note, I wish you a happy week!

x

The Fifth TWIG Post (or how I’m taking back my mental power)

It’s been a bit of a funny week. Not so much funny “ha ha”, but more the weird, unsettling kind. In what seems to have been an endless stream of grey days, the recent un-Spring-like weather has got most people feeling a little down. However for me, it’s set my mind drifting towards depression, leaving me feeling rather odd and ill at ease with myself and the world.

I have to admit that getting myself to post this week has required a disproportionately large mental effort. It’s frustrating, because I truly love to write, and I’m trying extra hard not to keep kicking myself when I’m already feeling down.

Reassuringly, I know by now, from my own experiences and from the expertise of many, that any particular state of mind we’re in at any given moment is  only temporary. Regardless of how I feel, I’m still me and the beautiful qualities that make me the person I truly am is always there, underneath whatever emotional blanket comes over me.

As the brilliant Beyoncé was reported to have said:

“I’m more powerful than my mind can even digest and understand.”

Beyoncé

Source

A little arrogant, some might say, but the sentiment is totally true. Hence I’m choosing to believe in my own underlying capability to overcome this “grey day” mentality. I’m acting in spite of negative, dis-empowering feelings because I know I deserve to feel great again.

And so, in the spirit of living by my positive, happy-making life values, and deciding to take back control of my mindset, I’m here looking back at my week and focusing on its shiny, sparkly, highlights.

This Week I’m Grateful For:

  • My amazing nieces. Two pink, sparkly whirlwinds, took over our house last weekend. They filled it with laughter, love and Lego. Making themselves immediately at home, they turned our lives upside down for two days. C and I were impressed by not only the noise levels two tiny kids can make, but also the amount of Dominoes pizza they can put away! Wow! Yet whilst raising children is undoubtedly incredibly hard, spending time with the girls, I feel it’s probably the most valuable and worthwhile endeavour we humans can undertake.

 

  • Silly songs! A lasting legacy of the girls’ recent visit (quite aside from the chocolate smears and fingerprints on the walls) is having been introduced to LilDeuceDeuce. My youngest niece instructed Alexa to play “Beep Beep I’m a Sheep“; apparently her favourite dance track from a game on the Nintendo Switch. Tickled by the tune, C Googled the guy, and came across the Epic Rap Battles of History.  I think my favourite may be Stephen Hawkins vs Darth Vader, but they’re all awesome! Dancing hysterically in my slippers to these tunes has been by far, the best laugh I’ve had all week!

 

  • My quick thinking response to my niece’s Monday morning questions. When I was getting ready for work, she asked why I put “that sparkly stuff” on my face. Her Mum doesn’t wear make-up regularly, so it must have seemed peculiar to observe. Not wanting her to think that women have to wear make-up to look and feel good, but also not wanting her to think there is something wrong with doing so, I gave my honest reply: It makes me feel happy. I showed her the glitter on my cheeks and said that seeing my face sparkle when I’m at work makes me smile. I felt super proud of coming up with this on the hop, and glowed with “Good Aunty Heather” vibes all day!

 

  • A welcome delivery of new (to me) books. I was genuinely touched that a kind stranger went out of their way to post their old Gabrielle Bernstein books to me. I’ve not read her work, and am keen to do so, so this was very much appreciated; I’ll get hours of pleasure out of this gift! Particularly exciting was a box of affirmation cards (see below), which are both lovely in sentiment and are visually gorgeous.  Not only that, creating new connections with people has reaffirmed for me that most people in the world are good, which inspires hope in me.

  • Becoming a book reviewer! Quite possibly the highlight of my whole week, an (as yet) unpublished book manuscript (the first I’ve ever seen!) arrived in the mail. I’m excited and thrilled to review it for the Hearst Big Book Festival! As I write this post, I’m half-way through the book, which I’m genuinely enjoying. I feel a connection with the author, sharing similar life experiences, interests and passions. I’m looking forward to writing a positive review.
  • Making a major spur-of-the moment decision and found myself offering to go to South Korea with work! I’ve no idea what possessed me – perhaps the result of an especially motivating morning Hour of Power. Regardless, I’m proud of how far I’ve overcome the anxiety that had made my life so small for so long. I’m excited to visit Seoul, to meet new people and experience the Korean culture. I’ve genuinely surprised myself –  not to mention my colleagues!
  • Receiving a plethora of free food. Getting refunded for a broken caterpillar cake made it taste all the better this week. Mini Lindt bunnies from a kind colleague, and free egg sandwiches at a work buffet this week contributed to my conclusion that nothing tastes as good as free food.
  • Living in my house. Having hosted another family weekend reminded me how lucky I am to have this home. Intentionally taking the time to look at the house through the lens I first saw it last Summer, before it was ours, I’m truly blown away by how grand it is! It’s got so much potential, and yet it’s already perfect because we can bring together the people we love. I cannot express how much this means to me.
  • Living among the animals. Thus far, between C and I, we’ve looked out of the window to see a badger, several foxes, giant squirrels and more British garden birds than I’ve ever seen in my life! It’s such a privilege to live so close to the city for work, and yet also alongside nature on the edge of the beautiful Peak District. C plans to install a wildlife camera in our garden, and go all David Attenborough on me.
  • Daring to step up and volunteer my help. After participating in several events run by and for women in my large public sector workplace, I took action and emailed to offered my support. Attending my first meeting with the organizers this week took a whole bunch of braves, so I’m super proud of myself. The other women seem to be genuinely lovely people, and the tasks I’ve been asked to help with feel achievable. I feel optimistic about taking up this new task.
  • The hopeful anticipation I feel upon seeing a pile of shiny, new magazines. With four (or more) current magazine subscriptions, and being just after the start of the month, it’s looking a bit like WH Smith’s in my lounge at the moment. Whilst I’m having to prioritize the book manuscript this week, the excitement I feel about delving into my monthly magazines fills me with pre-emptive joy!
  • Having a house full of  gorgeous flowers! Our lovely nieces (and their parents) sent us a surprise thank you gift  of this gorgeous bouquet and chocolates. As the hyacinths are opening, they fill my house with an amazing scent! Alongside the plethora of daffodils filling all our biggest vases and glasses, my house is positively radiant with Spring blooms! 
  • Being financially fortunate.  Whilst we’re by no means rich, I’ve felt truly wealthy this week, in the sense that C and I are lucky enough to be able to afford to buy the things we like, and which make us feel happy. Listening to the audio book version of Napoleon Hill’s  “Think and Grow Rich” this week, I realised I already feel truly rich because I spend so little time worrying about money.  Being able to comfortably take care of ourselves’ and our cats’ basic needs, and having enough money left over to enjoy the small things in life with a huge happiness payoff (like magazines and gym memberships), I feel very fortunate. This is my definition of financial wealth. Whilst I know there’s much for C and I to do if we want to ensure we continue to prosper into old age, I am grateful to to be able to appreciate the position we’re in right here and now.

Completing my edit this Monday morning, I can honestly say that I feel lighter, brighter and way more hopeful than I did initially writing this post earlier this weekend. Once again, I’m learning that techniques for creating a positive mindset are by and large simple, but aren’t always easy to put into action. However pushing myself to practice what I preach, the mental fog is lifting and the Spring sunshine is starting to creep into the dark corners of my mind.

Happy Monday!

x

 

 

The Fourth TWIG Post (or how I’m learning to love giving almost as much as receiving! )

“The entire universe is conspiring to give you everything that you want.”

Abraham Hicks

Now, I know this is kind of “out there”, but I’m finding that the more I look for the good in life, the more positive things are coming to me. Equally, the more kindnesses I do, for myself an other people, the happier I feel. In Law of Attraction speak, this is manifestation.

Creeping its way into my vocabulary (in spite of C cringing when I say it), manifestation seems to be working for me. By acting with the intention of brightening other people’s lives, my own is increasingly vibrant. It’s taken some reassurance, but I think C believes me when I say I’m not falling into some kind of new-age trap, nor am I on a slippery slope to becoming religious – or, God forbid (!)- spiritual. Having happy, sunny Heather seems to be worth embracing a little mental magic.

And so, in this, my fourth consecutive week of TWIG posts, I’ve tons of things to be thankful for today.

This week I’m grateful for:

One minute the garden is all sunshine and Spring greens…

*Experiencing every type of weather! After a sunny weekend, we woke up on Monday to be snowed in for the Bank Holiday. One rainy day – along with one soggy shoe – later, I was taking off my coat walking home from work in the warm Spring sunshine! British weather is utterly bonkers – and I kind of love it more because it’s nuts!

…the next it’s covered in snow!

*Rediscovering Gala Darling. I’m currently writing a long-form post on this topic, so I won’t go into detail here, but I’d like to give props to the this fabulous femme! Her YouTube video series, Wonderland, is presently brightening up my life – and my iPhone – with her own special, sparkly brand of pink mental magic.

*Receiving post. I absolutely adore getting things through the mail – even if I’ve ordered something myself. One of my most eagerly anticipated everyday occurrences is to hear the postbox open, or the doorbell ring, and be greeted by exciting envelopes and pretty packages. Opening them up to find something fabulous inside brings out my childlike joy – and a lingering desire to play Petite Post Office with my sisters.

*Specifically, receiving my 2018 Self-Love Almanac in the post.  as in this case. After falling for Gala again, I ordered her almanac (if, like me, you don’t know what an almanac is, then read this). I’m excited to start scribbling in it, even without the recommended bright pink pen!

That way the chocolates lie!

*Crafting creative surprises, I’m spreading some Spring cheer! For friends and family, I’ve sent chocolate thank-yous in the mail; home-made baby booties; and made heartfelt offers of baby-sitting services. This gave me such I kick, I hid an uplifting note from “a friend” in a gym locker, in the hopes of brightening a stranger’s day.

*Belated Easter egg hunts for my nieces. I was excited to see them race around our garden, filling our home with happy, spirited, noisy life – and I wasn’t disappointed! My hunt went down a storm, with my elder niece reading the clues all by herself. What’s more, even I got some chocolate! Bonus!

*Bonding with my beloved nieces. I’m grateful to spend the weekend with two fabulously funny, clever and lively little girls. I felt proud to be chosen to read Harry Potter to my enchanted elder niece before bed. Also, my heart nearly burst with love for my littlest niece as she snuggled up against me to watch TV. When they’re not destroying things, they’re a delight!.

Heather helps an Easter bunny to find treats in the tree.

*Manifesting books! Asking for audiobook recommendations online, someone offered to mail me copies of books I’ve been keen to read. They get to declutter, and I benefit from extra books, thanks to the kindness of a stranger.

*Wearing a dress for the first time this year. Rather reluctantly, I pulled on my tights and dress in preparation for the necessary awkwardness that is a smear test. While it makes me shudder just to think about it, in reality, it’s over in seconds. Thankful to have broken my over-reliance on trousers, not only did I spare myself having to hold an inadequately-sized tissue over my groin in front of a stranger, but I also remembered that I actually enjoy wearing dresses sometimes.

*Living my values by prioritising my physical health. Exemplified in the example above, I’ve pushed myself to confront my fears and attend appointments that, while embarrassing in the short-term, are essential to ensure I optimise my wellbeing.

*You’ve Been Framed-style cat-astrophes. This week D has given us the six-nipple salute; he’s high-fived his way to extra treats; and he’s nearly been flattened by a chair thanks to his own high jinx. The silliest, slap-stick animal antics are the best!

*Rediscovering Jennifer Lopez, whose noughties’ album “On the 6” is now on my Spotify gym playlist. From its gorgeous cover photograph, to its uplifting Latin / hip-hop beats, J-Lo got me lifting heavy and going low. She’s the original, pre-Kardashian, booty inspiration. Once again, I’ve got La Lopez body envy. #squatgoals

*Carpets of crocuses, which survived the recent harsh weather conditions and have bloomed in full-force this week.

Rainbow rows of perfectly planted crocus!

Happy Sunday!

Heather x

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